United Nations Approves Rectum Printing Identification.

GENEVA -The United Nations has unanimously given  approval for Governments to introduce a new form of personal identification known as rectum printing at an annual meeting in Geneva, Switzerland.

Rectum printing involves taking a digital photo of the anus. It replaces the outdated and unreliable finger printing system.

Under the new system, citizens of United Nations member countries will have to report to a local Government office where a digital anal print will be taken.  “It will be a simple procedure. An individual will photographed with specially supplied ski-pants, similar to those worn in the Tour De France. The digital print will then be added to passports and local forms of identification. “, said Bill Stanfield, a spokesman for the UN.

Several international NGO groups are in uproar over the proposal claiming a possible infringement of civil liberties.

Under the new system, individuals will have added benefits. Users will be able to log into Facebook or their IPAD by simply placing the device under the buttocks.

Each rectum print will have a unique signature. Digital seats will be installed at airports to scan travelers and law enforcement agencies can make use of the anal prints for Cold Case files.

Digital monitors will also be added to public toilet seats to monitor for individuals who fail to flush the toilet. This is in line with a new United Nations resolution highlighting the sub-standard sanitation of global public toilets.

It is believed the idea developed after a proposal from former La Law television actor Corbin Bernsen. He was not available for comment.

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About rodneyromb

Rodney Romb, Olympic figure skater wannabe, tow-truck driver, foot massuesse and part-time band manager shares the latest insights, news and opinions on current and future news-media issues.
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